What’s The Matter With People? Pt. 1

What’s the matter with people? Part 1Pidture of a couple back to back

I was talking with a client of mine about the last blog (Just Doesn’t Matter 10/12) and he mentioned that he and his spouse had been bickering more than normal the last couple of weeks and that the last blog post was helpful.

Well, that’s a good thing – BUT… Knowing why the conflicts generally occur would be even more beneficial.  Then, we would understand other people and possibly avoid most of the conflicts ahead of time.  When I use the word partner in this post, that could include any kind of relationships you might have.

You may have picked up on an underlying desire of mine to have you all experience peace and joy more often than you do now.  I find that the more I learn about people, the more I can coexist with them in peace.

So, now we’re going to learn about “Sorting Systems”.  I won’t try to explain the origin of the term. We’ll have to let it go and just know that Sorting Systems define how we do life in some specific contexts.  I’ll talk about one Sorting System in this blog and continue with others in the next few blogs.

The first Sorting System is:

Sort by Self – Sort by Others

In each of these Sorting Systems there is a continuum that goes from one extreme to the other.  Keep in mind that most of the time we will fit somewhere in between the two extremes.  I’ll give examples at the extremes, because the concept is more vivid when you present a marked contrast from one side to the other.  Every area of every Sorting System can and should be managed so that we have balance in our lives.  Even though we can’t change our orientation in any give Sorting System, we can move away from the extremes of the continuum which will improve our relationships and reduce our personal struggles, as well. Continue reading

Just Doesn’t Matter

It Just Doesn't Matter

After we’ve determined for ourselves what the meaning of words and concepts will be, we will view every new piece of information through these filters and weed out anything that doesn’t match our meaning. That process comes to us naturally.  Unfortunately, most of our beliefs and meanings were established at an age long before we had the intellect and maturity to make wise choices.  Even so, our filters are then held at a subconscious level and we’ll keep using them until we make a conscious effort to change them.

We’ll have many filters through which we view life in different contexts. We’ll have a filter about the opposite sex, relationships, success, spirituality, our self worth, etc. We call these filters “Global Generalizations”.  We’re used to using the term, “Stereotypes”.

When a Global Generalization has become problematic for us – causing us emotional pain from loss of relationships, loss of financial security, or loss of spiritual wellness – we have to go through a difficult process of changing our thinking about something we’ve thought was true for a long time. Continue reading

Breaking Patterns

Picture of Broken Chain

I took a little break there for awhile, didn’t I?  Sorry. Once a pattern is broken, it’s hard to get going again.  That’s a lesson to be learned about life.  Our entire life is a conglomeration of patterns into which we’ve settled.  Each pattern is a recipe for how we act and react to things going on around us.  The patterns are actually strategies for behaviors that are based on the meanings we’ve attached to words and concepts and the beliefs we’ve adopted about people and ideas. Continue reading